VRA: When The Dancing Stops REALLY Protecting Our Equal Rights

On Wednesday June 26^th, I was driving down “the Lodge” (M-10 to you non-Detroiters) listening to NPR, of course, specifically “The Diane Rhemes Show,” waiting to hear the Supreme Court’s decision on DOMA and Prop. 8.

Like most members of the LGBT community my stomach was in a knot, but my stomach was in more than just a knot it was in a double half-hitch with a twist knot as I was still reeling from the Supreme Court’s decision the day before gutting the Voting Rights Act.

If they would gut this Act that sought to ensure protections for voting rights at the polls for every American, I wondered if the same court could muster sufficient votes to stand for equal rights for LGBT families.

Then it came, the news we had all dreamed, dared hope for, decisions for marriage equality on both DOMA and Prop. 8.

I screamed, tooted my horn, then breaking my rule of not calling/texting while driving, called my good friends Donna Payne at the Human Rights Campaign who has been working for marriage equality nationally, and Susan Horowitz at Between The Lines who had spent many days and nights in the trenches with me on Prop 2 in Michigan.

These decisions weren’t everything – marriage for LGBT couples is not legal in most states – but the walls had definitely started tumbling down.

By the time I reached downtown Detroit, I had shared numerous celebratory horn-toots with cars sporting equality stickers. Sitting at an outdoor café, I watched with a grin as same-gendered couples walking, with eyes glued to their smart phones, let out a little whoop then reached out and walked the rest of the way hand-in-hand or arm-in-arm.

Every two seconds I received a text or tweet from friends and family. I even heard from people I barely knew but who had stood with us on the cold January day in Lansing when Michigan enshrined discrimination into the constitution believing as King said that “The Arc of the Moral Universe Is Long, but It Bends Toward Justice.” and today it had bent for equality. It was a good day to be gay in America.

And could the timing have been any more perfect, the ruling came in June as we celebrate pride in cities across the country.

It’s been great seeing jubilant couples in California again exchanging vows; seeing Edie Windsor jubilant in victory and leading the New York Pride parade with co-Grand Marshals Earl Fowlkes and civil rights icon Harry Belafonte; and  even though I don’t have a wedding (or a date for that matter) on the horizon I could not be prouder.

My country, the United States of America, had affirmed that major statement on human rights within the Declaration of Independence – that in marriage my LGBT community was also endowed with “certain inalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.”

Oh happy day – but maybe not because I wear this Amazing Technicolor Dream Coat woven with threads from the intersections of race, class, gender and sexual orientation.

The day before a very big thread in my dream coat had got snagged by the same Supreme Court with implications that could set back our march for equality and that snag was the gutting of the Voting Rights Act.

I am first and for most an African American woman. I didn’t have do anything other than come out the birth canal to be identified as such and subject to discrimination based on the very fact that I was born this way. I am also proud, out member of the LGBT community.

Even though the formula struck down by the Supreme Court in Section 4 of the Voting Rights Act had, as Chief Justice Roberts said in his bench statement, extended a 40-year-old coverage formula based on “obsolete statistics” it had protected voter’s most at risk for being disenfranchised or denied their right to vote.

I can’t help but wonder how many LGBTQ people of color who gained recognition with the DOMA repeal will now face discrimination in the voting booth? But it’s more than just a Black/White, Gay/Straight issue. How many women, including Lesbians, will be denied access to reproductive rights if voting rights can be skewered by partisan politics?

Want a glimpse of the future, just take a look at Texas where gerrymandering and challenges at the polls threaten to disenfranchise Latino, African-American, the poor and whatever other group is not in favor (like pro-choice/women) voters.

Want a closer glimpse; you need look no further than Saginaw County in Michigan where the Supreme Court decision cleared the way on to dissolving the Buena Vista school district.

The ultimate battle for equal rights will take place in communities, municipalities and states across the country at the ballot box. We must change hearts and minds one person, one vote at a time and not leave equality hanging in a SCOTUS balance.

It’s up to us. Time to Gladiator-up community! We will never have the full freedom to marry without the freedom to vote!  Congress can reverse the effects of the court’s decision on the Voting Rights Act.  Get involved by visiting freetovote.org, The NAACP, NOW, PFAW, HRC  or NBJC to name a few -BUT DO SOMETHING!!!

Today I’m doing my happy dance for marriage but I’m gearing up for the real fight.  Let’s protect every vote so when the dancing stops I won’t find my Amazing Technicolor Dream Coat unraveled and all of our rights flapping in the wind.

The story of Dorothy – a dog that had been horribly abused, rehabilitated and found a forever home – had me thinking about our human condition. We bring baggage from the past into every situation but most significantly into relationships. Are we giving ourselves time to heal, be rehabilitated so we can find our “forever” love homes? Maybe we should come with a warning. To learn more about Dorothy and support the work of the Michigan Humane Society follow this link  www.michiganhumane.org/Dorothy

JUNK YARD LOVE (for Dorothy)

You ready for this

Ready for this love of mine

It’s a hard love

Cuz I’ve been loved

Like a junk yard dog

I watched over and protected

For scraps thrown over the fence

I’ve done tricks to amuse

Was told to sit and stay

They just laughed

Turned and walked away

 My warm, fuzzy cuteness

Rarely nurtured,

Best suppressed

 I growl and snarl

Bristle and bark

I’ll sniff your hand

Then pull way back

But like a junk yard dog

I’m loyal and true

A ride or die woman

Giving my heart to only you

I’m walking that tightrope

Unsure if I’m right or wrong

Victim or perpetrator

Looking for someone

Trying to just hold on

I come with lots of baggage

Really wish it weren’t so

But I got kicked more than petted

Thought you ought to know

Just giving you fair warning

And so I’ll ask again

Are you ready for this love?

A real love that’s hard but true

Cuz I’ve been loved like a junk yard dog

Once I sink my teeth in you

Just saying – I’m all in

Even though some cities hold their PRIDE celebrations as early as April,  June will always be the official kick-off month for PRIDE celebrations in the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender community.

This year we certainly have had a lot to celebrate. On the heels of a national election where LGBT rights were included as part of the larger issues facing all Americans by not just a national standard bearer but the President of the United States, it appeared as if our day had finally arrived.

Marriage equality had its day in court and as we await a ruling from the Supreme Court the number of states recognizing same sex marriage has grown to 12.  The Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) might still be on the books but it’s on the ropes headed for a TKO if not by the courts then by individual states taking a stand for the rights of same gender loving couples and their families.

We’ve seen an east coast sweep of Connecticut, Maine, Massachusetts, New Hampshire, New York, Rhode Island, Vermont, Delaware, and Maryland; in-roads to equality in the heartland states of Iowa and Minnesota; and the great state of Washington representing the west coast, as well as in the District of Columbia with Illinois waiting in the wings to welcome same gender loving couples.

Attitudes are changing. High profile personalities who are out like George Takei, Ellen Degeneres, Wade Davis, Anderson Cooper, Jim Parsons, Jim Nabors, and others to name a few and the recent coming out of Robbie Rogers, Brittney Griner, and Jason Collins have moved the dialogue forward immeasurably.

We looked like YOU. We were just like your sons and your daughters. We’d been your heroes on television, in the movies, on the grid iron, on the soccer field and on the basketball courts.  And there was Oprah sitting on the couch with Jason Collins and his entire family saying it’s all right. A national aha moment “They’re here. They’re queer. So y’all just need to get over it.”  (OK, Oprah didn’t say that but I bet she was thinking it.)

This June we really have something to celebrate as we have our PRIDE marches, picnics and various festivities but it’s not all sunshine and rainbows.

We, Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Americans are still under attack, at risk and that we must never forget.

Last year thirteen Transgender Americans were murdered and the violence continues with even more deaths including the murders of Kayla Moore and Cemia “CiCi” Dove.

In February, Marco McMillian, a black mayoral candidate, who was also gay, was found on the Mississippi River levee murdered.

And as we prepare to kick-off a month of PRIDE, New York City has been rocked by a series of homophobic attacks including the murder of Marc Carson, a gay man.

Even though we have made advances on the marriage equality front, the greatest percentage of LGBT families lives in areas of the country with the least protections for their families. In a majority of states individuals can still be fired and/or denied housing for being LGBT or perceived to be gay and the fate of the reintroduced Employment Non-Discrimination Act (ENDA) remains uncertain.

Studies show that more and more Americans have evolved on LGBT marriage and equality (some demographic models indicating that if put up for a vote, same-sex marriage would become legal in all but six states by 2020) but it will take more than warm fuzzy feelings about us walking down the aisle and celebrity outings to stop the violence, stop the discrimination, stop the ignorance and put an end to homo and transphobia.

This year, as we begin celebrating our pride across the country, I am filled with not just the audacity of hope but the audacity to believe change is finally going to come. I can feel it. It’s in the air, in our conversations. It’s within our grasp.

But if we want it we have to embrace the good and the bad, the celebration and the outrage, the parties and the politics.

This June, this season of PRIDE, let’s be intentional. Let’s celebrate PRIDE with a purpose. A pride that goes beyond June’s 30 days. A pride, so compelling, so righteous, so just, so contagious, that our equality will no longer be denied.

Even though some cities hold their PRIDE celebrations as early as April, Philadelphia’s Black Pride was held in April; June will always be the official kick-off month for PRIDE celebrations in the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender community.

This year we certainly have had a lot to celebrate. On the heels of a national election where LGBT rights were included as part of the larger issues facing all Americans by not just a national standard bearer but the President of the United States, it appeared as if our day had finally arrived.

Marriage equality had its day in court and as we await a ruling from the Supreme Court the number of states recognizing same sex marriage has grown to 12.  The Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) might still be on the books but it’s on the ropes headed for a TKO if not by the courts then by individual states taking a stand for the rights of same gender loving couples and their families.

We’ve seen an east coast sweep of Connecticut, Maine, Massachusetts, New Hampshire, New York, Rhode Island, Vermont, Delaware, and Maryland; in-roads to equality in the heartland states of Iowa and Minnesota; and the great state of Washington representing the west coast, as well as in the District of Columbia with Illinois waiting in the wings to welcome same gender loving couples.

Attitudes are changing. High profile personalities who are out like George Takei, Ellen Degeneres, Wade Davis, Anderson Cooper, Jim Parsons, Jim Nabors, and others to name a few and the recent coming out of Robbie Rogers, Brittney Griner, and Jason Collins have moved the dialogue forward immeasurably.

We looked like YOU. We were just like your sons and your daughters. We’d been your heroes on television, in the movies, on the grid iron, on the soccer field and on the basketball courts.  And there was Oprah sitting on the couch with Jason Collins and his entire family saying it’s all right. A national aha moment “They’re here. They’re queer. So y’all just need to get over it.”  (OK, Oprah didn’t say that but I bet she was thinking it.)

This June we really have something to celebrate as we have our PRIDE marches, picnics and various festivities but it’s not all sunshine and rainbows.

We, Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Americans are still under attack, at risk and that we must never forget.

Last year thirteen Transgender Americans were murdered and the violence continues with even more deaths including the murders of Kayla Moore and Cemia “CiCi” Dove.

In February, Marco McMillian, a black mayoral candidate, who was also gay, was found on the Mississippi River levee murdered.

And as we prepare to kick-off a month of PRIDE, New York City has been rocked by a series of homophobic attacks including the murder of Marc Carson, a gay man.

Even though we have made advances on the marriage equality front, the greatest percentage of LGBT families lives in areas of the country with the least protections for their families. In a majority of states individuals can still be fired and/or denied housing for being LGBT or perceived to be gay and the fate of the reintroduced Employment Non-Discrimination Act (ENDA) remains uncertain.

Studies show that more and more Americans have evolved on LGBT marriage and equality (some demographic models indicating that if put up for a vote, same-sex marriage would become legal in all but six states by 2020) but it will take more than warm fuzzy feelings about us walking down the aisle and celebrity outings to stop the violence, stop the discrimination, stop the ignorance and put an end to homo and transphobia.

This year, as we begin celebrating our pride across the country, I am filled with not just the audacity of hope but the audacity to believe change is finally going to come. I can feel it. It’s in the air, in our conversations. It’s within our grasp.

But if we want it we have to embrace the good and the bad, the celebration and the outrage, the parties and the politics.

This June, this season of PRIDE, let’s be intentional. Let’s celebrate PRIDE with a purpose. A pride that goes beyond June’s 30 days. A pride, so compelling, so righteous, so just, so contagious, that our equality will no longer be denied.

It’s February; love’s in the air, and apparently everyone is high on the Valentine’s Day Kool-Aid.

You expect to be inundated with love stories, engagements and wedding photos but did you ever think you would see so many LGBTQ engagements and weddings?

I mean it’s not just in traditional media but on social media and in local media as well.

Ellen DeGeneres/Portia de Rossi, Elton John/David Furnish, Cynthia Nixon/Christine Marinoni, George Takei/Brad Altman, Neil Patrick Harris/David Burtka, Rosie O’Donnell/Michelle Rounds and Jim Nabors/Stan Callawader are just a few of the celebrity couples whose nuptials have made headlines.

And these unions are being reported not as assaults on the “sanctity of marriage” but as a reason to celebrate far and wide.

With Maryland and Maine joining Massachusetts, Connecticut, Iowa, Vermont, New Hampshire, New York, Washington and the District of Colombia, more and more LGBTQ brothers and sisters are following Beyonce’s advice and “Putting a ring on it.” I’ve received so many invitations that for 2013, I’ve had to add a new line to my personal budget for wedding gifts and travel. Amazing!!!

I recently had the opportunity to sit down with a reporter and talk about the marriage equality movement and the changes I’ve seen since 2004 when I first got involved fighting a discriminatory proposal in my home state of Michigan.

Unfortunately that proposal passed, enshrining discrimination into the state’s constitution. It went beyond banning same-sex marriage and civil unions, and was interpreted by the Michigan Supreme Court to not allow public employers to grant domestic partnership benefits.

Then as now, I’m not looking for a wife. I’ve never had dreams of a big wedding, a church wedding or any kind of wedding for that matter. My mother got married in a yellow suit in her parent’s living room about three months after meeting my dad. The story was steeped in romanticism but the reality of married life observed from this child’s eye – well led me to the conclusion that, like the song goes, “I could do bad by myself.”

But there was something about that first foray into the war for marriage equality that hit home. Not only were these opponents spreading lies and falsely vilifying my community, I realized that in many instances I was invisible as a gay American to my friends, family, co-workers, neighbors and community.

Since those early days we, as a community, have done a lot to remove that invisibility and the public shift on gay marriage is the result of all that hard work. Even as I write this I know other states including Illinois are moving towards marriage equality.

A part of me is ready to go out and buy some dancing shoes for all those wedding receptions on the horizon but I’m still not ready to jump on the marriage band wagon.

Why you might ask? Because we still haven’t had that real discussion about marriage that goes beyond the ring and the ceremony – the denial of the basic human rights.

I have dialogues on gay rights and marriage on several different sites and on the weekly blog radio program I co-host “Can We Talk For Real.” I have been amazed by the diversity of feelings on marriage in the LGBTQ community.

Marriage is how we acknowledge our relationships, a showing of our personal commitment to the love of our life for the whole world to see. So how are we making marriage our own in our ceremonies, in our expectations and in our lives? Are we making it our own or buying into the industry?

I read a recent post where the woman had a laundry list for potential spouses which included not only income and education levels but also that her future spouse owned a car no more than five years old. Then there are the wedding planners/packages that for the right price can give you the best faux-heterosexual ceremony so authentic that even FOX News was fooled recently using a “wedding kiss” photo to accompany a piece about traditional gender roles that was actually of a same sex couple.

But this isn’t what we’ve been fighting for, more like unintended consequences.

What we’ve been fighting for is equality under the law. Equality promised in the Constitution to protect citizens from discrimination from laws that treat them differently for no good reason. And let’s face it, there is no good reason to deny LGBTQ Americans marriage equality.

Protect the sanctity of marriage – seriously. Same sex marriage had nothing to do with Kim Kardashian’s failed 72 day marriage, then getting pregnant without benefit of marriage by another man while still married to her 72-day wonder husband.

Marriage is an archaic but evolving institution that establishes the rights and obligations between spouses including at least 1,138 federal tangible benefits, protections, rights, and responsibilities that marriage brings couples and their children. Bottom line is if you want the benefits then you better put a ring on it.

But amidst our voices lifted in singing “Going to the Chapel” is another chorus of voices asking why; why must we go through the motions to provide basic human rights for our spouses and families?

Chicago songstress C.C. Carter related how she had been dragged kicking and screaming to the altar to marry her spouse. It wasn’t that she didn’t love her wife. They have been together for years and no license or piece of paper could give them greater acknowledgement, recognition or validation. The issue for Carter was why she (or anyone) needed to get a license to provide what should be a basic human right for everyone – to provide for and protect our families.

In the end it’s all about love. The love we have for each other. The love we have for our families. The love we have for equality and ultimately, the love we should have for one another to live in peace, safety and equality. Now wouldn’t that be an amazing Valentine’s gift to the world?