Jason’s List
1. aristocrat 2. bulbous 3. cabaret 4. dandy 5. embelish 6. frivolous 7. gallant 8. highbrow 9. infatuate 10. jock 11. kaleidoscope 12. luscious 13. mannequin 14. notorious 15. outrageous 16. plush 17. quirk 18. random 19. seaman 20. tattoo 21. umbra 22. victorious 23. walnut 24. xenophobia 25. yearn 26. zydecoThe Story
The aristocrat, the jock and the seaman sat silently on the squad room bench waiting to give a statement on the untimely death of Luscious Divine.
Luscious, a favorite at the local cabaret was best known for her sultry Cajun love songs played on her bright red zydeco. She was also notorious for her outrageous philandering with a random assortment of gents each one’s name listed on the “Honor Roll of the Divine” tattoo that extended from the nape of her neck to the small of her back.
Rumors of how she had died were spreading like wildfire throughout the region. Some said she had been strangled. Others claimed she had been shot. Some said she had taken her own life. While others believed she had succumbed to some mysterious illness contracted from one of her many lovers.
The only thing they all agreed upon was that Luscious Divine was found dead in her bed the morning of the 14th by her close friend and confidant “Dandy” Joe lying in her grand canopy bed cold and lifeless like a beautiful sleeping mannequin.
The aristocrat with the bulbous nose and receding hairline inched as close as he could, without falling off, to the far end of the bench. He wanted to put as much space as possible between himself and the other two lest someone mistake them as acquaintances.
“Oh my precious Lucia,” he sighed. He had refused to call her Luscious although she was indeed that. “If only you had let me take you away from this carnival life to my world where you belonged – my world of gentility and plush surroundings – you would be with me still. Instead you chose to languish in this umbra of iniquity and are now lost to me forever” he thought. A tear rolled down his cheek. He took a handkerchief from his pocket, wiped his eyes then noisily blew his nose.
Tired of sitting on the hard bench, the jock got up, stretched, thrust his hands into his pockets and walked across the room. Leaning against the wall, he looked over at the other two men sitting at opposite ends of the bench.
“I can’t believe she could sleep with that fat, bald, fart after sharing the bed with me,” he thought watching the aristocrat dab at his eyes. “Soft” he thought with disgust. He caught a glimpse of his own reflection in the squad room’s window. He adjusted his stance, turning from side to side smiling at the reflection of the tanned, broad shouldered, muscular creature he saw. He was what Luscious needed, what every woman needed – a real man. Why couldn’t she just have been happy with him? Why was he not enough? “Oh Luscious,” he thought, “You with your crazy quirk for odd little men, now you’re gone leaving this real man alone.
The seaman looked around the room, snorted then stuck a fresh wad of chewing tobacco between his cheek and gum. “Why the hell am I here” he wondered. It wasn’t like they had something going on or did anything before or after each visit. She was just Luscious – the bawdy wench in every port a sailor has a yearn for after weeks at sea. There was no need to embellish what had gone on between them. It was what it was – a bottle of rum, a lusty woman and a soft bed to wake up in every now and again.
A sailor’s lot is a kaleidoscope of adventures, some good some bad. Luscious had been one of the bright spots along life’s voyage. He could still see those jet black eyes, feel her velvety soft skin and smell her perfume – jungle gardenia – sprayed liberally on her body and her cool satin sheets. “I’m gonna miss you Luscious baby,” he thought and smiled.
The detective opened the door and summoned the three into the interrogation room. “We’ve got a bit of a dilemma here boys,” he began. “I’ve got a dead body, one Miss Luscious Divine,” he took another look at the report. “Well I’ll be damned that’s her real name.
Body was discovered by a hysterical house boy “Dandy”Joe” wearing a kimono and ladies undies.” He looked at the report again. “I’ll just be damned,” he muttered, shaking his head.
He reached into the bowl on his desk, took out a walnut and cracked it noisily. Alrighty then! No time for xenophobia.
Let’s get back to the business at hand – the untimely demise of Miss Luscious Divine.”
The aristocrat cleared his voice and said “I believe, in this instance, I can speak for the three of us in asking just why we are here? Are we suspects?”
The detective resumed talking about the case ignoring the question.
“As I was saying, Miss Divine was discovered by one “Dandy” Joe the morning of the 14th laying in her rather ostentatious by most standards bedroom. Apparently she had been expecting a visitor as the table was set for two. The identity of this guest was unknown to the Dandy who apparently prepared the boudoir for visitors on a regular basis and was quite familiar with all the comings and goings not just of the gents on the list but others who wished to remain anonymous.”
He looked at the three and saw no sign of surprise. That there had been a steady stream of visitors to Miss Divine’s bed.
“So she liked her men. What of it?” the seaman asked. “Good lord man, she had a list of lovers tattooed on her back. You’d have to be deaf, dumb, blind and stupid not to know you weren’t the first and wouldn’t be the last.”
The detective continued “As I was saying Mr. Dandy Joe had set the table for two, laid out the lady’s unmentionables – which by the way matched the set he was found wearing to a tee – uncorked the bottle of wine then returned to the kitchen to finish the meal while Miss Luscious shall we say prepared the main course.” He laughed at this own joke alone but the three remained stoned faced.
Getting no response he continued with the narrative “I can see how a man could become infatuated with her. She was a beauty tattoos and all. And her closet of lingerie and sex toys would titillate the appetite of any normal man. But what real man could live with that revolving door to her bedroom?
Well back to the crime scene. The dandy returns to the scene of the crime all dolled up in his kimono and matching undies with the meal.
Miss Luscious is no where to be seen in the room. The curtains around the canopy bed are drawn tight and dandy’s thinking the party has already started.
One of the wine goblet’s is half- full and the other is laying on the floor by the bed. He sets the table then notices no noise is coming from the bed. Seems Miss Luscious was a screamer.
He tips to the bed peaks inside the curtain and finds her dead. Her body dressed in white negligee like a bride on her wedding night and her body posed like a sleeping angel. He tries to wake her to no avail and then the hysterics begin.”
The aristocrat asked again “so sir I ask once more why are we here?”
“Yeah” the jock joined in “tell us what you want or let us get the hell out of here.” The seaman nodded in agreement then spit the wad of tobacco on the floor.
“You are here gentleman because of the writing on the pillowcase” he said.The three grew quiet and inched towards the edge of their seats.
The detective smiled at last victorious he had them right where he wanted. “What writing,” they said simultaneously.
“The writing on her pillowcase in her own blood gentlemen containing your three name and the words ‘No more. It all ends now’” he said.
“So now let me ask each of you gentlemen why are you here? Are you suspects or will you be next?’