Back to My Future (a poem by Michelle E. Brown)

I don’t want to go back for my future

But every time I try to move forward

I run into the same old lies

The same old games

Flirtation, seduction, titillation

Words that promise

Touch that thrills

Brand new smiles

Telling same old lies

Detours, road blocks, hazards

Turning me around

Impeding all progress

And in my rearview mirror

There’s you

You fit like a comfortable old shoe

Like that big comfy sweater

With patches on each elbow

 

The cottage in the country

Porch swing rocking gently in the wind

Quiet, stable, solid, you.

But I don’t want to go back to that future

Thoughts, ideas, dreams stunted

Smothered in your all inclusive love

I died a little each day in that past

Back there with you.

After you, I took a deep breath

Awoke from the coma

Returned to my life

Picking up the pieces

Moving forward

Moving on

I don’t want to go back for my future

But every time I try to move forward

I find only darkness, only despair

The futility of today’s transience

Broken spirits, empty promises

Chance encounters on hot summer nights

Evening spent drinking as the bar gets ready to close

Damaged goods, excess baggage

Others trying to move forward

Weighed down by their past.

I want to go back to that promise

That promise of the past

Those quiet romantic evenings

Candle lit dinners, champagne and bubble baths

Deep thoughtful, heated conversations

The art of making love

I guess I want to go back to that future

To move forward, to start anew

And there you are in my rearview mirror

Quiet, stable, solid you.

Reminding that with the bad times

We’d shared a few good too

Rays of light amidst all that gray.

Maybe I can go back for my future

To move forward, to start anew

I want to go back to that promise

I want to go back to that future

I just don’t want to go back there

With you.

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